


I Will Keep On Waiting For You (or Five Times Erin Tries to Tell Holtz She Likes Her And One Time it Works)

by Holtzmannsgirlfriend



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Five Times, Fluff, Pining, i'm terrible at tagging guys, just know there's lots of good stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 17:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15778887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holtzmannsgirlfriend/pseuds/Holtzmannsgirlfriend
Summary: Erin has finally come to the realization that she likes Holtzmann. Now all she has to do is tell her--a feat that's not as easy as it sounds.





	1. Flirt Back

Erin Gilbert came to terms with her crush two months, two weeks, and 3 days ago.

It wasn't a big deal. There was no crisis or denial, just a sudden realization and immediate acceptance, that's all.

It happened during an otherwise boring bust in a vacant brownstone in Brooklyn after the two, as always, were paired together when the group had to split up.

They were in the kitchen of the brownstone examining a star-shaped stain on one of the counter tops when the ghost, an ugly class IV with a scream loud enough to shatter glass, cornered the two of them.

The scream startled Erin and she dropped the wand of her proton pack to clutch her chest. She watched in awe as Holtzmann quickly spun around and blasted the ghost with her proton pistols, barely taking the time to aim. Seconds later the specter exploded into the air with a merely a whimper.

Holtzmann spun back around on her heels and wiggled her eyebrows at the physicist, smiling despite the sticky globs of ectoplasm raining down around them.

"Come on, Gilbert. Let's blow this popsicle stand," she said, her pistols quickly retracting back to their respective places at her hips.

And at that very moment, Erin was gone. So far gone, in fact, that she'd yet to come back, and it was beginning to be a bit of a problem.

It would’ve been significantly easier if she didn't have to share a lab with Holtzmann, but she did. And because of that she had 8 entire hours a day to stare at the engineer while she worked, and danced, and reenacted the wood chipper scene from Fargo with a pencil and a pencil sharpener.

She wants to say it, just get it over with and put her feelings out into the universe, but that’s always easier said than done.

Their friendship is at stake for starters. If Erin confesses her feelings to Holtzmann only to have them go unreturned, it could ruin the relationship they already have. She can never get herself to justify taking that risk despite the multiple pro and con lists she’s made over the last few months.

And, of course, there is their work. An awkward situation like, say, an unrequited crush could easily ruin the incredible opportunity the four of them have as Ghostbusters.

But this could also work out. Holtzmann could very well like her back.

It’s unlikely, she thinks, but it’s not impossible. There could very well be something there, they could be happy together...Erin wasn’t a total shrew after all.

When she looked at herself in the mirror she didn’t see a supermodel, but she was at least moderately attractive. And while she was, admittedly, just a tad neurotic, it’s not like she has the most unappealing personality in the world.

Why shouldn’t she believe she at least had a shot with Holtzmann?

Still, Erin needed someone else to justify the risk for her, and that’s why she was standing awkwardly in the doorway to the firehouse kitchen, wringing her hands. She watches as Abby and Patty drink their coffee and split a blueberry muffin. She’s not entirely sure how to start the conversation so she just...stares instead.

After a few moments of watching Erin out of the corner of her eye, Abby finally tires of being stared at and sits her coffee cup down on the table. She sighs.

“Hey, Er. You uh...need something?”

“Yeah, baby. You been staring at us for a good 20 minutes. It’s getting pretty weird,” Patty adds, barely looking up from her muffin.

“Oh!” Erin laughs nervously, finally stepping into the kitchen. “Right, okay. So...there’s actually something I would like to speak to the two of you about, if that’s alright.”

She sits down a the table across from them and nervously smooths her skirt over her legs.

Abby and Patty both nod, mouths full, encouraging her to go on. Erin lets out another nervous chuckle and takes a deep breath.

“Well I was hoping you could give me some advice,” she says, bouncing her leg.

Abby takes notice of the nervous movements and eyes Patty, silently asking if she knew what was up. Patty raises her eyebrows and shrugs.

“Advice about what?” Abby asks, her curiosity getting the best of her.

Erin takes another deep breath. They're her friends. They love her. They won't judge her for this.

She hopes.

“This is going to surprise you both, but I...have feelings for Holtzmann.”

She braces herself for shock and objections, but she's surprised when she sees Abby’s face immediately break into a giant, smug grin. Abby crosses her arms against her chest and turns to Patty.

“Pay up, Patricia!” she says, practically dancing in her seat. She holds her hand in front of Patty’s face and points to her palm a few times for emphasis.

Patty rolls her eyes and reaches into the front pocket of her jeans, eventually slapping a wrinkled $50 bill into Abby’s waiting palm.

“I’m sorry, what is this? What is happening?” Erin asks, hopelessly confused.

“Oh, nothing. Patty bet me $50 that it’d take you over a year before you realized you were gay for Holtz. I said you’d figure it out in under 6 months,” she says, making a big show of tucking the bill into her bra. “And I was right.”

“Excuse me? First of all I’m not ‘gay for Holtz’, okay? That’s not even a thing,” Erin huffs. “And secondly, making bets about me? Really?”

“Oh, please, Er! If we didn’t have these petty bets to entertain us we’d have no other option but to go fucking crazy watching you drool over Holtz.”

Patty nods in agreement. Erin blushes and picks at the table cloth.

“I don’t drool over her…”

Patty scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“You drool, baby. We have pictures.”

Abby nods and pulls out her phone, swiping the screen a few times.

“I made this one your contact photo on my phone,” she laughs, turning the screen to show a picture of Erin sitting at her desk with her chin in her hand, a single line of drool running from the corner of her mouth as she gazes across the lab at Holtzmann. Patty bursts into laughter.

“Oh man, that's a good one! The rest are blurry cause she's always twitching.”

Erin’s eyes widen and she grabs for the phone, missing it by an inch when Abby pulls it away.

“Abby! Delete that right now!”

She laughs and locks her phone, putting it back into her pocket.

“No way! I’m saving it for your wedding,” she laughs again. “Anyway, didn’t you want advice or something?”

Patty perks up.

“Yeah, you planning on finally asking Holtzy out?”

Erin sighs and leans back in her chair, arms crossed across her stomach.

“Well...I don’t know,” she starts, nervous again. “I want to but...I’m worried.”

“Worried about what,” Abby asks. “That she doesn’t like you back? Because, Er, I promise we have just as many pictures of her drooling over you.”

Patty nods again. Erin blushes.

“You...you do?” She blushes softly, a hand coming up to brush a lock of hair behind her ear.

Abby and Patty roll their eyes simultaneously.

“Yes, idiot. She’s crazy about you, Gilbert!” Patty replies, smiling wide. “What’re you even waiting for?”

While Erin had always been aware of Holtzmann’s constant flirting, she was never entirely sure how serious the engineer was about it. This new information definitely boosted her confidence, but as exciting as this revelation was, there were still risks involved.

“What about work? What about all of the progress we’ve made? Something like this could ruin that,” she says, her face solemn. “And even if Holtz does like me back and we ended up together...what if we broke up? How would we continue working together after that?”

These thoughts were beginning to make her anxious, as they always did. They made her stomach turn and her heart race until she wasn’t sure she could handle it anymore. That’s why she always stopped thinking about it before she could talk herself into doing anything about her feelings.

Abby looks across the room in thought. After a moment she speaks.

“Okay, Er, I guess you have a point there,” she replies. Erin sighs and frowns again.

“But,” she adds, “Hear me out. What if you ask Holtzmann out, she says yes, and you live happily ever after? That’s a possibility too, you know.”

Erin scratches lightly at the table cloth with her fingernail. She nods once.

“Yes, I guess it is.” She says. She looks across the table at her friends but quickly averts her eyes.

“What if that doesn’t happen though?”

“What if it does?” Patty says with a shrug. “Sometimes things aren’t just handed to you. Sometimes you gotta take the risk.”

“I don’t know if I can, you guys! That’s a big risk,” Erin says, running a hand down her face. Abby nods.

“It’s scary, I get it. But we wouldn’t be telling you to go for it if we didn’t think you had a really, really good chance. Right, Patty?”

Patty nods.

“You damn right,” her face split with a giant smile.

“I swear, Erin. If I have to spend another month watching you pine over Holtzmann I'll have to resort to stabbing my eyes out with this pencil,” Abby grabs a no. 2 pencil from the holder on the counter and holds it up. “And I think that would really fuck up our progress.”

Patty snorts. “Yeah it’d be pretty difficult to bust ghosts with no eyes.”

“Okay, fine,” Erin laughs. She leans back in her chair. “But how do I even go about telling her I’m interested? I’ve never really done this before.”

“You know how Holtzy is always going out of her way to flirt with you and make your face get all red like it does? Do that.”

Erin frowns.

“My face does not get red! It’s the lighting!”

Abby and Patty roll their eyes.

“That’s weird, I didn’t know they sold lightbulbs that make people look like tomatoes,” Abby replies, her hand coming up to stroke her chin mockingly.

“Shut up, Abby.”

The brunette chuckles and walks over to the coffee pot, refilling her cup. Patty moves to a chair closer to Erin and puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Look, just tell her she’s cute. Holtzy lives for that shit!”

Abby nods in enthusiastically.

“She’s right. Holtz can be pretty full of herself. But she’s gorgeous so I guess she’s allowed to be,” Abby laughs as she sits back down at the table. “Seriously though, just go for it. Flirt a little when she comes in today. She’ll lose her mind, I promise!”

“For real. Remember how you used to act around Kevin? Just do that,” Patty adds. “Except this time just, you know, be coherent.” She rolls her eyes at Erin’s glare and finishes off her coffee.

The idea of openly flirting with Holtzmann is definitely unnerving, but she remembers what Patty said earlier.

_Sometimes you gotta take the risk_

“Okay, I guess I can...give it a shot,” she says, smiling despite the waves of nausea currently wreaking havoc in her stomach. Abby pats her shoulder.

“Atta girl.”

**\----------**

An hour later, Erin is checking some of Abby’s math for errors when she hears the firehouse doors slam shut followed by the loud, stomping footsteps she’d come to associate with Holtzmann’s combat boots.

Erin takes a moment to wonder to herself if dropping dead at someone’s feet could be considered flirtatious, because she had been nervous before, but now she felt like her heart was seconds away from exploding in her chest.

She’s in the middle of visualizing her death by heart combustion when Patty, suddenly standing beside her, nudges her violently.

“Say something!” She whispers and nods her head in the direction of Holtzmann, who is quickly approaching the three of them with a pile of scrap metal cradled in her arms. She dumps it on Abby’s desk and wipes her palms on the front of her overalls.

“Guess what I’m gonna make out of this,” she says, a massive grin splitting her face.

Instead of responding Erin only smiles awkwardly. Abby snorts and rolls her eyes.

“I have no idea, Holtz. What’re you making?” Abby says, stomping on Erin’s foot under her desk while the blonde is too busy talking to notice.

Erin gasps and jumps before she looks down at Abby. She expects an apology but is met with a glare instead.

Abby tilts her head toward Holtzmann.

 _It’s now or never_ , Erin thinks to herself.

All three of her colleagues are staring at her and her stomach is churning but she’s gonna do it, she’s gonna flirt with Holtzmann.

She clears her throat. She wets her lips. She grips the edge of Abby’s desk so tightly that her knuckles turn white.

“H-hey...cutie.”

She regrets it before it’s even left her lips, but there’s no going back. She can physically feel her face turning a shade of red so bright that it can't possibly be healthy.

She hears Abby’s snorting laughter in one ear and Patty mumbling something about white people in the other.

Holtzmann cocks her head and squints at the physicist, grinning from ear to ear.

“You’re a strange one, Er-Bear. Never change.”

The engineer scoops up her pile of scrap metal and announces that she has to get to work, taking a moment to turn and grin one last time at Erin before dashing up the stairs.

Erin ignores the laughter and taunts of Abby and Patty and collapses onto the reception couch, burying her head in her hands.

 _Well that definitely didn't work_ , she thinks. _On to plan B_.


	2. Body Language

After tossing and turning for hours while her brain repeatedly reminded her of her embarrassing attempt at flirting, Erin decided to give up on sleep and instead get started on plan B.

She grabs her laptop and crawls back into bed, types “how to show someone you like them” into Google, and presses enter.

It’s juvenile as hell, she knows, but she doesn’t know what else to do.

She clicks the first link on the results page and spends five minutes reading an article called “Love Language: Five Tips On Landing Your Crush”, but stops when she gets to the step about asking your crush to homecoming.

She felt rather pathetic lying awake at 3 AM reading articles obviously written for 15-year-olds instead of just telling Holtzmann she liked her, but apparently, she wasn’t capable of handling her feelings like an adult. This was the best alternative.

And, if she’s being honest, the article wasn’t that bad, actually. They had some good tips, things Erin probably would’ve never thought of on her own.

Or maybe they weren’t so great…

She had very little experience in the flirting department (as her first attempt goes to show), so she wasn’t exactly sure of what would be considered cringey and what wouldn’t.

There was a good chance that Holtzmann would forever think of her as the world’s biggest idiot before the week was over, but she was prepared to give it a shot though. She’d already embarrassed herself yesterday, now she had nothing to lose.

She made a mental list of the steps in the article and put away her laptop, promising herself that she’d try some of them with Holtzmann in the morning.

**Step 1- Touch**

According to the article, going out of your way to touch someone was a surefire way of showing your affection.

Erin was already really good at this particular step, always finding ways to keep physical contact with the engineer just a little longer than was needed, sometimes even when she wasn’t aware of it, so she figured she’d just take it up a notch.

Later that morning, she stood from her desk chair and walked across the lab she shared with the engineer. Stopping at her workbench, she takes a moment to smooth the wrinkles in her shirt and arrange her hair before clearing her throat.

Holtzmann looks up and flips off her blow torch, flipping up her welding mask to expose a toothy grin.

“Hey, Er-Bear. Is it lunchtime already?” She says, moving to take off her work gloves.

“No, it’s still early, I just thought you might need help with something.”

She quickly and nervously runs her finger down the length of Holtzmann’s arm and clumsily leans against her workbench, smiling awkwardly.

She’s probably imagining things, what with how utterly unsexy that was, but she swears she felt Holtzmann shiver slightly under her touch.

She feels her face heat up but does her best to ignore it.

The engineer moves her arm to remove her mask and toss it onto her workbench and Erin’s hand falls onto the workbench with a bang.

She smiles awkwardly to cover her embarrassment. Holtzmann grins and grabs the physicist’s hand.

“I’m sure I could find something for you,” she says with a wink and walks over to a cluttered desk in the corner, swinging Erin’s arm at her side as she goes. She pulls a wire stripper out of the top drawer and turns back to Erin.

“Have you ever stripped wires before?”

Erin shakes her head.

“It’s really easy. Here, I’ll show you,” she says. She stands next to Erin and demonstrates how to cut the sheath without cutting through the wire itself.

“And that’s about it. It’s really simple.” She smiles and hands the wire stripper to Erin, who keeps her hand on Holtzmann’s far longer than needed.

Erin smiles back and grabs a wire from the pile Holtzmann keeps on her workbench.

She moves in front of the engineer, pressing her back against the blonde’s front, and looks at Holtzmann over her shoulders as she inserts a wire into the stripper.

“Like this?” she asks and snaps the stripper shut. She was so distracted by being pressed up against Holtzmann and shocked by her own boldness that she didn’t notice the stripper closing on the skin of her finger until she felt the painful pinch.

“Shoot!” she jumps, the tool still attached by the skin of her finger.

Holtzmann quickly spins the physicist around, cradling Erin’s finger in the palm of one hand and gently opening the stripper with the other. After she frees the skin, she brings the finger up to her mouth and kisses it quickly. Erin’s heart practically explodes.

“There,” the engineer says, tossing the strippers onto the workbench. “All better. Now let's find you something less dangerous."

She winks and Erin blushes, though mostly from embarrassment this time.

 _Oh well_ , she thinks. _Could’ve gone worse_.

**Step 2- Flattery**

The second step listed in the article told Erin she needed to resort to flattery, which she supposed would be easy enough. She is a people pleaser after all.

Later that day she sits next to Holtzmann at lunch. She tries to make as much eye contact as possible and, keeping the first step in mind, frequently touches the blonde’s arm or squeezes her shoulder as she talks and compliments her, doing her best to ignore the curious and amused look on Holtzmann’s face.

When Holtzmann makes a crude sexual joke about one of her weapons, a joke that Erin would normally roll her eyes at and ignore, she practically spits her food across the room in laughter. She even goes as far as slapping the tabletop between fake snorts.

“Gosh, Holtz. You’re so funny,” Erin practically purrs, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she talks. “You should be a comedian.”

Abby and Patty look at each other annoyedly and shake their heads while they wipe stray pieces of Erin’s food off their arms. Holtzmann, on the other hand, is beaming.

She raises her arms above her head in celebration and then rests them behind her head, the smile not leaving her face as she does.

Erin feels ridiculous, really. She’s 43 years old and flirting like a teenage girl. But if the smile on the blonde’s face is anything to go by, she thinks, it must be working.

She’s not sure, but she thinks this counts as a success.

**Step 3- Stay Close**

The third and final step of the article (well...before she stopped reading) stated that going out of your way to be near the person you like was an easy way to show your affection.

She was already very skilled at making excuses to be near the engineer when she didn’t have to be, having spent many weeks prior trying to fight the urge to stand next to her 24/7, so she knew this would be the easiest step of all.

After lunch they retreat back upstairs to the lab. Instead of walking to her own desk, she follows the engineer to her workbench and stands there silently, not wanting to interrupt. She waits for Holtzmann to notice her.

A few moments later, the blonde turns around and jumps. She brings a hand to her chest and chuckles in relief.

“Yikes, Er! What are you, a cat?” she chuckles. “We’re gonna have to put a bell on you soon.”

Erin laughs (harder than necessary, of course) and brings her hand up to squeeze Holtz’s forearm.

“Sorry, Holtz, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No worries, hot stuff.” she says, quickly glancing at Erin’s hand on her shoulder before flashing a bright grin. “What can I do for you?”

Erin frowns.

“Uh...I um…” she trails off.

_Shit._

She forgot to come up with an excuse.

Holtzmann tilts her head and squints, waiting for her response.

“Well...I don’t actually _need_ anything,” she scratches her head and tries her best to keep from looking like she’s actually racking her brain for some sort of explanation. Holtzmann laughs.

“Relax, Gilbert. I get it.”

“...you do?”

“Of course, you’re bored!”

_Bored, of course! Why the hell couldn’t I have thought of that 20 seconds ago?_

Erin laughs, relieved, and nods her head.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Actually,” Holtzmann says as she lifts the strap of her giant silver duffel bag over her head, “I was just about to go dumpster diving. Care to join?”

She holds her elbow out in Erin’s direction and raises an eyebrow. Erin immediately takes her arm even though the idea of digging through trash isn’t even mildly appealing.

“Dumpster diving? Isn’t that kind of unsanitary?” She grimaces.

Holtzmann shrugs, leading Erin out of the lab and to the stairs.

“It can be, I guess. It really depends on where you go and what day of the week it is and whether or not Stinky Sammy has made it to that dumpster yet.”

“Who is Stinky Sammy? And why does that matter?” Erin asks, genuinely confused.

“Well...let’s just say he’s not opposed to public urination. Or defecation. Or public anything, really.”

A grimace crosses Erin’s face.

“Ah,” she says. “That is disgusting.”

Holtzmann nods her head.

“Hence the name.”

They make it down the stairs, still arm in arm. Abby raises an eyebrow when she sees them.

“Where are you guys headed?”

“To the dumpsters, Abs.” Holtzmann says dramatically, untangling her arm from Erin’s to put her jacket on. Abby watches Erin frown at the loss of contact and scoffs.

“Erin Gilbert is going dumpster diving?” She walks over to Erin and places the back of her hand against Erin’s forehead. “You won’t even share chapstick with me but you’ll dig around in a dirty dumpster? Are you sick?”

Abby pulls her hand away and lowers her voice.

“Or should I say...lovesick?” She chuckles to herself.

Erin rolls her eyes and bats Abby's hand away from her forehead.

“Nope! I feel great! I’m so excited to...dive.” She makes a diving motion with her arms and immediately regrets it, but forgives herself once she hears Holtzmann giggle.

She’d embarrass herself a thousand times a day if it made Holtzmann smile.

The blonde, still chuckling, walks back over to Erin and sticks out her elbow again.

“Shall we, m’lady?” she shakes her head amusedly.

Erin nods and smiles brightly at the engineer.

“We shall.”

Abby rolls her eyes and walks over to Patty’s desk.

“God...We’ve created a really cringey, awkward monster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Next chapter should be up within the week <3


	3. Dropping Hints

While Erin had a great time dumpster diving with Holtz (and an even greater time disinfecting herself when she got home), she was still disappointed because it didn't go anywhere.

They had fun and found some neat (mostly disgusting) things, and got into a minor turf war with Stinky Sammy and his gang of equally smelly friends, but after all that, she was still no closer to asking the engineer out. And, apparently, the engineer was still no closer to catching on.

Erin doesn't understand why either, because she assumed that with how much Holtzmann flirts with her she’d figure out what she was doing in a heartbeat.

She lays awake for hours, once again, racking her brain for answers as to why this could be.

Maybe Holtz is being polite, she thinks. Maybe Patty and Abby were wrong and the feelings really aren't reciprocated. Maybe Holtz just doesn't know how to let Erin down easy.

She doesn't spend too long thinking about that option because that one hurts too much. That would probably be the worst possible outcome for this situation.

Then again, she tells herself, it doesn't necessarily have to be something bad. Maybe Holtz is only good at flirting and terrible at understanding when someone is flirting with her...but that one doesn’t seem very likely.

She’s watched Holtzmann talk to women, watched with jealousy as she smooth talked them and made them melt on the spot. How could anyone with that much game be blind to the flirtations of women?

Yeah, that’s definitely not it. She crosses that off her mental list.

As she does that it suddenly occurs to her that she’s never outright told Holtzmann that she’s bisexual. For all she knew Holtz could think she was just another weirdly physical straight girl!

She rolls her eyes and facepalms, scolding herself for forgetting something that important.

For a doctor of physics she could be pretty dumb sometimes, but at least she now knew her next step.

**\----------**

Erin shows up to work the next morning full of confidence and hope. Before she leaves tonight Holtzmann will know she’s bisexual and, maybe, that she’s interested.

After a short greeting to Abby and Patty, she heads upstairs to the lab, setting a cup of coffee on the engineer’s workbench as she passes on the way to her desk. Holtzmann looks up from the smoking pile of metal in front of her and gives Erin a quick nod and a wink before pulling her goggles down over her eyes diving back into her work.

Erin, disappointed but understanding of the lack of greeting from the blonde, sighs and flops down in her desk chair. She slides her bag from her arm and pulls out the two books she brought from her shelf at home, The Price of Salt and Rubyfruit Jungle.

Both lesbian classics, both guaranteed to drop hints to Holtzmann that Erin isn’t just another straight girl. She sets them in the upper corner of her desk so they’re clearly visible in case the engineer decides to walk over during the day.

She’d already taken off her jacket at the door with the sole purpose of exposing the “Am I Bi? That's none of your bismuth!” shirt she’d bought on Etsy last year but never had the confidence to wear outside of her apartment. It was corny but she thought Holtzmann would appreciate it, if nothing else.

She tells herself that she’s done enough for this morning, that it’s time to actually work now. But instead, she finds herself with her chin in her hand, staring across the room at the blonde while she laughs maniacally at the small fire rising from the pile of metal on her workbench. She breaks out in smiles.

One of the first things that drew Erin to the engineer was the way she could find excitement in anything. A normal person would panic if their work caught on fire, but not Holtzmann. She dances around the fire with a fire extinguisher instead, letting the flames spread to two or three different surfaces before she actually uses it.

If it were anyone else, Erin would have reported them long ago. She would have been appalled at their lack of safety and inability to follow simple lab procedures. With Holtzmann she finds it anxiety-inducing, of course, but also charming and funny...and maybe a little sexy.

She stares as the blonde extinguishes the fire and does the robot around the burnt remains of whatever project she was working on, and she's still staring when Abby and Patty enter the lab and scold Holtz, only for Holtz to laugh and raise her fists above her head in celebration.

Abby throws her arms up and shakes her head, giving up on her fire safety speech. She turns to Erin and finds her, as usual, staring at the engineer with a dreamy smile on her face. She sighs and walks over, waving her hand in front of her friend’s face.

“Earth to Erin,” Abby says, waving her hand in front of her friend’s face. “I told you I’d have to have Kevin write you up if you keep having sex daydreams on the job.”

Erin snaps out of it with a jolt and blushes, quickly glancing over to the engineer, who was dancing circles around an annoyed looking Patty, to see if she had heard.

“Abigail! I told you that in confidence!” she whispers through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, yeah,” Abby laughs and waves her hand. She’s about to ask Erin what she wants for lunch when she spots the books on her desk. She can’t help but scoff.

“Really?” She laughs and picks up The Price of Salt, flipping through the pages. “Are you gonna seduce Holtz with classic lesbian literature now?”

“Shut up, Abby,” she huffs, yanking the book from Abby’s hands.

She lines it back up with the corner of her desk.

“For your information, it occurred to me last night that Holtz might not even know I like women.”

Abby nods sarcastically and makes the OK sign with her hand.

“I see. So you’re going to display lesbian books on your desk instead of, oh, I don’t know, saying ‘I’m bisexual’?” She laughs. “Oh, and the shirt! I didn’t even notice the shirt. Bismuth, that’s great.”

Erin rolls her eyes at Abby’s sarcasm.

“Don’t you have lunch to go buy or something?” Erin says, dismissing her friend with a flick of her hand.

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop,” she laughs and holds her hands up in front of herself. “Patty and I are going to the sub shop, you want a sandwich?”

Erin shakes her head curtly, still somewhat annoyed at being mocked even though she knew Abby had no ill intent.

“No thank you. I’m too nervous to eat.”

“Nervous about what? Showing Holtzmann your little sapphic library?”

Erin rolls her eyes and opens her top desk drawer, pulling out a physics journal to read.

“Goodbye, Abby.”

Abby chuckles and says her goodbyes, leaving the lab with Patty.

Erin starts reading and gets lost in her journal for a while. She’s so intrigued by an article on orbital motion that she doesn’t even hear Holtzmann cross the room and sit down at her desk.

“Ha, bismuth. That’s amazing.”

Erin’s eyes fly up from the journal to see Holtzmann with one of her boots propped up on her desk. She points to Erin’s shirt and snorts again.

“I love gay science puns. They’re the best.”

Erin stares wide-eyed at the engineer for a few moments before she realizes it’s her turn to speak.

“Oh, uh...me too! They’re great.” She punctuates her sentence with an awkward smile.

Holtzmann nods and reaches for one of the books on Erin’s desk.

“Hey, Rubyfruit Jungle! I remember reading this in high school.”

She flips through the pages with a smile on her face before setting it down and reaching for the other.

“And this one,” she holds the book to her chest and closes her eyes, a grin on her face. “Carol Aird has been my dream woman since I was like 15.”

She sets the book back down on the desk and leans back in her chair, smiling. “When did you take up an interest in lesbian lit, Gilbert?”

Erin swallows hard and clears her throat. She doesn’t know why she’s nervous, she brought the books to intentionally initiate this conversation.

‘Oh, I’ve always been...interested, I guess.”

Holtzmann raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Erin nods quickly, swallowing again.

“I actually bought The Price of Salt back in college when I first started, you know, questioning myself, so I guess that’s when it started,” she shrugs and looks over at the book, remembering the mild panic she felt perusing the mostly empty LGBT shelf in the campus bookstore that day. “It was a weird day...”

Holtzmann laughs and nods.

“Yeah, it usually is. You know, this is both surprising and not surprising at all.”

Erin gives a bemused laugh.

“How so?”

Holtzmann shrugs.

“You’ve always made my gaydar ping, Gilbert,” she shrugs again with a smile. “I can usually spot a gay girl from a mile away, no problem. But you...you never gave me any signs, no hints. I was beginning to think I read you wrong.”

Erin chuckles nervously and tries desperately to remember any of the tips from the stupid article she’d read the night before, but she comes up blank.

_Just say something_ , she screams internally. _Say anything_!

“Oh, well,” Erin says, pointing the most awkward finger guns she’s ever made in her life at the engineer. “I’m like...super bi.”

She fires the finger guns and even makes little _pow pow_ noises to accompany the pretend shots.

She decides she’ll either move away and change her name or crawl under her desk and let the embarrassment kill her once Holtzmann leaves, she hasn’t decided which yet.

To her relief, Holtzmann only laughs.

“Well I’m like super gay, so we’ll get along famously.”

She winks at the physicist and starts to say something when they hear Patty and Abby announcing that they’re back. She shoots some return finger guns at the physicist and jumps up from her chair, skipping across the lab to the fireman’s pole, which she slides down at frightening speed.

She briefly considers taking the pole as well, thinking that doing something so unlike her might impress the engineer. She gets as far as grabbing the pole with one hand before her anxieties get the better of her. She shakes her head and takes the stairs instead.

Erin takes her turkey sub from Abby after she insists she needs to eat.

“You get all angry and shaky when you’re hungry, Er. Eat the damn sandwich.”

She grabs a plate from the cupboard and then practically pushes Patty out of the way as she hurriedly makes her way to the spot next to Holtzmann at the table, ignoring the eye rolling and quiet cursing it gets her from Abby and Patty both.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Holtzmann drawls at the physicist through a mouthful of food.

Erin blushes. “Not really, we work here.”

The engineer smiles, ripping off another bite of sandwich and Abby rolls her eyes as she watches Erin come up with a ridiculous excuse to play with one of Holtzmann’s loose curls.

“Anyway,” she says loudly, changing the subject. “Patty and I were thinking we could do another movie night tonight. You guys in?”

“I’m definitely in,” Erin nods enthusiastically, hoping maybe Holtzmann would offer to give her a back rub like she did last time.

Patty nods. “Great. What about you, Holtzy?”

The engineer finishes off her sandwich and shakes her head.

“Rain check. I have a date tonight,” she winks.

Erin’s stomach drops immediately. She loses the grip on her sub and it falls back down onto her plate.

“What?! With who?” Patty asks, glancing wide-eyed between Holtz and Erin.

Holtzmann shrugs and dusts the crumbs off her hands.

“The real estate agent that called us to that office space the other day,” she grins devilishly. “She gave me her number with the check and I was like...why not?”

Erin stares at the table, afraid to look up for fear she’ll start crying. She was stupid to think anything would come of this crush. Of course Holtzmann wouldn’t want to be with her...why would she?

“Well…” Patty observes how defeated Erin looks. “Good going, baby. Have fun.”

Abby nods, giving a quick squeeze to Erin’s knee under the table.

“Yeah, have a good time, Holtz. We’ll do movie night next weekend instead.”

Erin nods, almost imperceptibly.

“Have a good date, Holtz.” She mumbles, not looking up from the table.

“Cool,” she says, smiling. The engineer bows and stands, wrinkling up the paper from her sub.

“On that note, I gotta get back to work.”

After they no longer hear Holtzmann clomping up the stairs, Abby and Patty turn to Erin.

“Er,” Abby says softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too, baby,” Patty nods. “But hey, it’s only one date! It’s not like they’re getting married.”

“Yeah,” Erin scoffs bitterly and slides her chair from under the table. “I think I’m gonna head home early today."

She ignores the pleas of Abby and Patty for her to stay and gets her coat from the rack by the door, deciding to just leave her bag at her desk until the morning. She couldn’t handle being in the same room as Holtzmann anyway, not today.

She waits until she’s outside of the firehouse before she lets herself cry.

_Well_ , she thinks, _I guess that’s that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorrrrrry :| More soon!


	4. Try Again

Erin spends the next morning laying in bed, listening to Tracy Chapman’s ‘Fast Car’, and sulking. She keeps the curtains shut because she has a mild hangover from downing an entire bottle of wine by herself last night and sunlight will only make her headache worse. She’s been acting like such a teenager lately, she might as well mope like one too.

But she’s allowed to feel sorry for herself, she thinks. Rejection hurts no matter how old you are.

At the same time, she wonders if what happened can even be considered rejection since she never actually asked Holtzmann out. But it hurts either way, so she doesn’t really care at this point.

She decides she’s going to skip work and stay in bed all weekend and that’s that. If anyone thinks she’s being childish that’s their problem.

Erin flops back onto her pillow and pulls the comforter over her legs. She stares dejectedly at the ceiling and quietly sings along to the song, wincing every now and then when the lyrics hit her a little too hard. She considers getting the other bottle of wine out of her fridge but decides against it because that would require she actually get out of bed.

But before she can really settle into her sulking, of course, her phone rings.

Abby’s name flashes across the screen. She rolls her eyes and _almost_ lets it go to voicemail for fear it’s one of her famous ( _famously mean_ ) pep talks, but she answers anyway.

“Look, Abby, I’m not in the mood for--” She manages to get out before Abby cuts her off.

“No time, Er. We have a huge bust, we need you here pronto!”

She rolls her eyes and kicks the covers off her legs. _Figures_.

“I’ll be there in 10.”

\----------

When they finally get to the bust, it’s insanity.

A class V, that looks oddly similar to a human thumb, was wreaking havoc in the foyer of a popular history museum while an army of smaller, human-shaped class III’s made of a glowing mist protected it.

The spirits focused their sights on the four women the second they entered the room, almost as if they had been waiting for them.

“Welcome to your fate, Ghostbusters! Prepare to die!” The thumb rumbled, followed by a deep, unsettling laugh.

Chills shot up Erin’s spine. She was almost afraid until she heard Holtzmann’s laughter.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to give that idea two thumbs down, pal,” Holtzmann chuckled. She slapped her knee and looked side to side at her colleagues, shrugging when they didn’t share her laughter.

“Now is definitely not the time, Holtzy,” Patty whispers through clenched teeth.

The blonde rolls her eyes and chuckles to herself. “Alriiiiight.”

She frees her proton pistols from their holders and spins them around her index fingers.

“Lez gooo!”

She shoots blindly into the army of mist, disintegrating spirit after spirit. Erin watches her in amazement, her heart swelling with pride and her stomach burning at the sight. She has every intention of standing in that spot all day until she hears Abby cry out for her to duck, which she barely manages to do in time.

“Okay, Erin," she mumbles to herself, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face. “Get your shit together, this is not the place!”

She takes a breath and jumps up from her squatted position, reaching for the shotgun at her waist. She shakes her head to clear her thoughts of Holtzmann for the moment and runs toward the chaos.

\----------

It takes almost an hour, but they finally capture the thumb and a majority of his mist army, destroying the rest. Abby and Patty grab two chairs from the floor that had been toppled over from the fight and turn them right-side up, flopping down in them in exhaustion.

Erin, while also exhausted, decides instead to lean against the only wall not covered in ectoplasm and watch Holtzmann dance around a smoking ghost trap, whooping loudly and mocking the ghosts inside. Her dimpled smile makes Erin’s chest ache so badly that she’s not sure she can handle it.

Since Holtzmann had made it clear that she wasn’t interested, everything about her that used to set Erin on fire in the best way possible now makes her feel like she’s being punched in the stomach instead.

She can’t look at her smile or watch her dance, she hates listening to her jokes or the sound of her voice in general. Even hearing the clomp of her boots makes the physicist hurt.

She looks away from Holtzmann and stares at the floor instead.

“Alright, ladies,” Abby says, standing from her chair. “Let’s get out of here.”

They shuffle out of the building and to the hearse while Abby goes in search of the owner to collect their payment.

Erin and Patty shrug the proton packs off their backs and lean them against the bumper while Holtzmann attempts to unlock the trunk with the key. But, to Patty’s amusement, she keeps missing the lock.

“Damn, Holtzy, what’s with you?”

The engineer laughs, finally slipping the key into the lock and opening the trunk.

“I’m very tired, Pattykins. I got home late last night.”

Patty raises an eyebrow at Holtzmann.

“Oh? Date was that good, huh?” she laughs. Erin winces.

_That’s right,_ Erin thinks to herself, jealousy bubbling in her stomach. _Holtzmann had a date last night._

_With the real estate agent._

_A woman that is not her._

She’d almost forgot.

She grits her teeth and looks at her distorted reflection in the chrome bumper of the hearse.

“Yeah, Holtz, how was your date?” Erin asks, surprised by the amount of bitterness in her voice. Patty almost imperceptibly shakes her head at the physicist in disapproval and Erin’s face reddens. Thankfully Holtzmann is too distracted with securing her proton pack into its holder to notice the jealousy in her voice.

“Eh...it was alright. She talked about herself too much. And the wine made her handsy,” she said with a shrug and a half smile. She secures another proton pack into its spot in the back of the hearse. “I pretended I was sick and spent most of the night flirting with the cashier at the arcade down the street from the restaurant. Well...until her boyfriend showed up. That was awkward.”

Erin rolls her eyes. Patty chuckles.

“I thought you liked your women handsy, Holtzy.”

The blonde puts a hand to her chest in mock offense.

“Why not on the first date, Patricia! I am a lady, after all!” She wiggles her eyebrows at Patty and holds her hand out for Erin’s proton pack.

Erin glares bitterly at the ground and hands her pack to Holtzmann, her entire body tensing when their fingers brush against each other during the exchange. Her face heats up and she feels sick.

“I, uh...I’m gonna go wait in the car.”

Patty shoots the physicist a look of concern as she opens the car door.

“You alright, baby?”

Erin nods, avoiding eye contact, and shuts the door.

Stupid question, Patty thinks, scolding herself for bringing up Holtzmann’s date in the first place.

\----------

When they get back to the firehouse, Holtzmann calls dibs on the first shower. Abby and Patty busy themselves with unloading the equipment, whispering and looking Erin’s direction every few moments.

The physicist decides she’s had enough and moves to the kitchen, sliding into a chair and letting her head fall face first onto the tabletop. She thinks of Holtzmann but it hurts too much, so instead, she makes her mind go blank.

She runs her hand over the wood table, focusing on all of the scratches and little indents in its surface. She starts wondering how many of the scratches were a product of Holtzmann propping her heavy combat boots up on the table but immediately changes the direction of her thoughts when she feels the ache in her chest start up again.

She lets her arms go limp and slide off the table, clasping them together in her lap. She tries to focus on thinking, and feeling, nothing again, but it’s so much easier said than done.

Abby and Patty enter a few moments later and Abby pats Erin’s shoulder as she sits down next to her. Patty fills three cups with hot coffee and brings them to the table.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Abby asks, moving a few strands of Erin’s hair so she could see at least part of her face.

“What’s there to talk about?” she frowns, slowly lifting her head from the table and leaning back in her chair. “I’m in love with Holtz and she’d rather go on dates with real estate agents and arcade cashiers instead of me.” She sighs and pushes the coffee cup Patty had sat in front of her away. “It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”

She considers laying her head back on the table but decides against it, propping her arm up on the table and resting her head against her fist instead.

“No, Erin, you are not fine. You are a wreck.” Abby shakes her head as she glances at Erin’s greasy hair and the bags underneath her eyes. “You obviously haven’t slept, you haven’t showered, and you still smell like the wine you had for dinner last night.”

Patty nods. “At least you drinking that good, expensive shit though! You don’t wanna walk around smelling like Two-Buck Chuck,” she laughs. Abby chuckles.

“Ha ha, you guys are hysterical. Are you done?” Erin glares.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m just trying to make you laugh, that’s all,” the historian rubs Erin’s arm. “Laughter always makes me feel better when I’m down.”

Erin gives the woman a half-smile. “I appreciate your efforts, guys, I really do. But nothing is ever going to make me feel better again. I’m going to die unhappy. Ha, unhappy and alone!”

She lays her head back down on the table and groans loudly. Abby rolls her eyes.

“There’s that melodramatic Erin we know and love,” she says, once again attempting to brush the hair away from her friend’s face.

“I’m not being melodramatic, Abby,” she retorts, lifting her head from the table to look side to side at her friends. “I’m entirely serious! I’m going to die alone,” she says, bursting into tears.

“Girl, come here,” Patty says, shaking her head as she pulls the physicist into a side hug. Abby rolls her eyes and hugs Erin from the other side.

“I know you think I’m exaggerating,” Erin hiccups, “But it’s true! That guy I dated in high school left me for Casey Weaver, and then the girl I dated in college said I was ‘too neurotic’ and dumped me. Phil didn’t want me. Holtz doesn’t even wanna go on a date with me...what other explanation is there besides the fact that I must be meant to die alone?”

Abby scoffs.

“The guy you dated in high school was a dick, the girl you dated in college was a dick, Phil is most definitely a dick and, to be fair, you didn’t actually ask Holtzmann out, Er,” she squeezes Erin’s shoulder. “You just sort of assumed she wouldn’t be interested because she had a date.”

“Exactly,” Patty chimes in. “But you heard it yourself, the date didn’t go well and arcade girl has a boyfriend. She has no reason to say no now!”

Erin wipes her eyes and considers what they’re saying.

Abby was right...confirming her bisexuality wasn’t the same thing as asking Holtzmann on a date and outright expressing her attraction.

Maybe she is melodramatic after all. And bad at feelings.

Yeah, definitely bad at feelings.

“I guess, but...ugh,” she groans and rubs her face. “What do I even say? I’ve never asked anyone out!”

Abby and Patty cheer quietly, celebrating finally getting through to the stubborn physicist.

“Just ask her to go out for drinks after work today,” Patty suggests. Abby claps excitedly in agreement.

Erin nods slowly.

“Okay. I...guess I could handle that,” she says, twiddling her thumbs out of nervousness.

The sound of a small explosion can be heard from Holtzmann’s lab, followed by “Small poof! No worries!” from the engineer herself.

Abby and Patty immediately stand from their chairs and pull Erin from hers.

“Well?” Patty asks, beaming.

“What’re you waiting for? Go! Ask her!” Abby adds, pushing Erin towards the kitchen doorway.

“What?! You want me to do it right now?” Erin asks, a look of panic on her face. Abby nods enthusiastically.

“Yep! No time like the present!”

“Go get your girl, baby!”

They push her out of the kitchen and encourage her as she makes her way up the stairs. Once the physicist is out of sight, the two tilt their heads back in a mixture of relief and annoyance.

“Jesus Christ...I can’t handle another day of this,” Abby groans, making her way over to her desk.

Patty shakes her head and flops down in her desk chair.

“I’m with you. Those girls need to figure their shit out, man.”

Abby shakes her head and toys with her fingernail.

“If this doesn’t work we’re locking them in a closet.”

\----------

Erin makes her way to the lab and freezes in the doorway, staring at Holtzmann as she hammers away madly at a piece of metal.

She’s more nervous than anything, of course, but there’s also a part of her that’s excited. And maybe even...hopeful?

Regardless of her nerves, she had to do this.

She had spent the last 24 hours telling herself she’d give anything for a chance to go back and try again to make Holtzmann hers, and she wasn’t about to give up her second chance.

“Um...Holtz?” she finally manages. She smooths the front of her shirt as she walks awkwardly into the lab. “Can we talk for a second?”

The blonde looks up from her work and smiles, immediately laying the hammer down and taking her work gloves off.

“Of course! I always have time to talk to you, my tweed queen,” she winks.

Erin laughs softly, her nerves preventing her from giving her usual overzealous laugh reserved especially for the engineer.

She takes a breath and closes her eyes, opening them again to see a confused looking Holtzmann.

“You okay, Er?”

Erin nods. Taking another breath.

_Just do it, Erin,_ she tells herself.

“So...I was wondering if maybe...you want to get a drink after work?” She suddenly feels like she’s suffocating, on the verge of a panic attack, but she’s beyond proud of herself for finally mustering the courage to ask. She takes another breath to keep the panic at bay.

The engineer beams at Erin.

“Hell yeah! We should totally get drinks!” she moves to put her gloves back on. “I’ll meet you at O’Malley’s?”

The physicist nods, smiling brighter than she has in a long time.

“Cool,” the engineer says with a wink. “I’ll see you there.”

Erin practically skips to her desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So I meant to post this chapter A LOT sooner, but the last month of my life has been hell. My grandma got sick, and then she passed away early this month, and since then I've been trying to cope with that and also help my mom figure all the legal stuff out. So, as you can imagine, I have had absolutely NO time to write.
> 
> But things have calmed down and I'm finally feeling up to it, so I spent the last few days working on this chapter. I hope you guys like it and, unless things unexpectedly get crazy again, I should have another chapter for you pretty soon! Thank you for being patient with me <3<3<3


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